I always wanted to be a person with flawless personality, the one who repeatedly get what he/she want with seemingly effortless. I also want to have a spotlight persona, the one who get an attention with curiously and always been waiting for what the next action, in a word, someone with instantly minded or jack ass person. This happen for the previous five years, and now I realize that was wrong. This year was a rocky times, withdrawing myself from promising institution because of jealous and shocked, there is a reality, I was left by ten or twenty or hundred person out there.
Then, I was thinking, do I incompetent, do I don’t have something that the person needed, do I cant do anything? That question remains the same answer, hard work beats talent. Well, for years I have been building so much capabilities that someday people will appreciate my work, I learn how to write the best, I learn how to design the best, I learn to create product the best. But, then, I forget something which also important, that is an ethic or conduct. Well, I realize, for a moment there are some people who looked or perceived me as unapproachable person, someone who had borders, somebody who had high taste, uncommon, not down to earth. Sometimes I don’t do friends with some lower class, it seems that I have exceptionalism character or let say cocky person. And that was really wrong.
It is leaving some trouble after all, I downgrade my religion because I was so sure about my capacities, I broke some connections with friends, I don’t do socialize, I looked so low about the teamwork, I see everything behind my back was so unimportant, I ignore time, so I always late in every single activities, never be so on time. Some of my friend told me that ‘Saomi means late’ oh My god, even that is so cruel, but what if everything my friend said is true. Oh My God. Then, one of my friend also told me that one of my associate in campus ever cry because of me, because of my word that is so hurt to her. Oh My God. There are plenty of proof that Im so cocky. I forget relations, I forget being humble, I forget being on time. That is what I said about I forget the conduct.
So, when I realize I was falling down this semester, with naturally out from the faculty league, then failed to get faculty member status, I need to do something. I have to repair my conduct. After some research here is the list of my sin. First, Ignore the God, second, Perceived so Low in everything except the talent, third, so lazy.
Just as a doctor who give some prescription to the ill, so I also offering some genius idea to resolve my problem. First, I need to pray as much as I can. Second, looking around that success isn’t always about capacities but also about conduct and connections, third, try on time.